Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You made out with two different species that night
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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