Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
