halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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