they need to just BURY HIM!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just pee around me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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