First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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