yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
