my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
