I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize