real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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