the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
