I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize