i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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