no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
