im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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