sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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