I want to have your abortion
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
