you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
worst night to have a conscience
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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