I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
