I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
