So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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