i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
