your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
