I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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