White coat. Heels.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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