I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
