The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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