I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
