Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
