Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
