wakey wakey hands off snakey
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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