I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
FUCK WHALES
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