We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
