I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
