Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
