Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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