I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
