You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
