She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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