I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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