I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
