As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
