Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
