Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
