Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
