Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
