I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
