I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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