Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
