The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
