I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
