Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
