a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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