I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
