ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
