So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
