By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
