I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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