Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
