I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
