I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
