I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
