Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
