Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
